Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
