Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I will die if light touches me.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
