he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
