You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
