I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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