in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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