he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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