do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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