I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
