I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Your dad touched me again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
