someone threw a dead crab at me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
