I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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