I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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