I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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