i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My first STD was from a foam party
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
