The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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