I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
