he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
