How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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