If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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