Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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