hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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