someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
