There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
