that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope mine doesn't look like that
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
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