she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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