I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
