can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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