If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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