It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
