You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
