I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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