that's an acceptable place to lick
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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