I can't watch pbs sober anymore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
