And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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