Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
