he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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