They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
