He uses pillows to masturbate.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
