I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
