Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Boobs speak an international language.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
