As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
