so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
