if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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