Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
