Ambien. No doubt about it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
