The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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