My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
