He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
