I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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