the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
