...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
