A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Four minutes until I can fart!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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