The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
