i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
